Pollywogs!

When you are speaking with someone on the phone and they provide no feedback while you are reading off a number to them. I just got off the phone with some ‘lady’ (please insert your derogatory term of choice for women here) with Comcast and I was giving her my phone number. I rattled off the phone number assigned to the account and she said “I am writing this down here” (please insert the appropriate ‘I hate customers’ tone of voice here). I immediately apologized (in an honest tone of voice while thinking ‘WHO is looking at a computer with our account information on it???’) and repeated the number off slowly. After each group of numbers, there was just this echoing gulf of silence…did we lose our connection? Is she still writing? So, I altered my speed over the next dozen odd digits: I provided two phone numbers with area code all told, without a single response from the ‘lady’.

Personally, I consider that not only rude but simple incompetance. If your JOB is customer service, SERVE THE FUCKING CUSTOMER. It is not MY job to make YOUR job easier, it is YOUR job to assist me in dealing with this gigantic nameless faceless corporation, where one fucking hand has no god damn clue what the other fucking hand is doing and every time you try to explain a simple fact you end up spending half a fucking hour bringing some dumbass up to speed, some dumbass who is constantly trying to pass the buck off of Comcast and back on yourself as if they get a fucking $5 bonus for every call they can disconnect as resolved regardless of the actual fucking problem.

(god that whole despair.com website is awesome)

You could say I’m fairly annoyed with the amount of time I have spend ‘dealing’ (insert your favorite term for beating your head against a brick wall until only a bloody stump remains) with Comcast over the past month or so…

Below is the transcript from a typical ‘joyfest’ I have with Comcast…

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LiveAssist Transcript
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chat id : bad8b8cd-…
Problem : Connection/Other

Curtis > Thank you for contacting Comcast, my name is Curtis. How may I assist you?

Garrett > hello

Garrett > Target Name: (resolving host name) IP: 73.116.114.1 Date/Time: 4/26/2007 6:00:35 PM 1 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms [192.168.8.1] 2 1201 ms 1125 ms 1216 ms 1126 ms [73.116.114.1]

Garrett > we have a local router which is acting up

Garrett > I guess it is the one our local neighborhood is running on

Garrett > it is the first hop outside our cable modem at least

Garrett > it has been terrible all day, slow, dropped packets, crazy high latency

Garrett > maybe it needs rebooted?

Garrett > most of the time is is boucning around half a second :

Garrett > Target Name: ge-3-16-rtr01.jerseyshore.pa.panjde.comcast.net IP: 64.78.83.69 Date/Time: 4/26/2007 6:02:25 PM 1 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms [192.168.8.1] 2 229 ms 256 ms 662 ms 204 ms 499 ms 422 ms 236 ms 414 ms [73.116.114.1] 3 261 ms 287 ms 682 ms 176 ms 511 ms 393 ms 252 ms 430 ms ge-3-16-rtr01.jerseyshore.pa.panjde.comcast.net [64.78.83.69]

Garrett > some times it pegs up to one or two seconds, and everything slows to a crawl

Curtis > I see that you are connected to the Internet using a router at this time, Garrett. The IP address: [192.168.8.1] is your router.

Garrett > yes, very good

Garrett > the problem is the first hop outsidie our local LAN

Garrett > I’ve been complaining about this for a couple weeks

Garrett > it has been happeing more and more frequently

Curtis > A router will always receive an IP address starting with “192″. At this time, I would suggest disabling your network. Please disable your router and connect directly to your cable modem. Please powercycle the modem before connecting directly. If these issues still persist while you are connected directly to your cable modem, you may contact us back and we will assist you further.

Garrett > …

Garrett > hello

Garrett > didi you even look at the traceroute?

Garrett > there is nothing wrong with my router

Garrett > try pinging our first hop yourself

Garrett > 73.116.114.1

Garrett > its been terrible all day

Curtis > We do not offer support for latency or connectivity issues due to using a router, Garrett. If you are having connection issues, you need to disable your router altogether, then contact us back and we will assist you further.

Garrett > every time I complain, it seems to be fixed for a little bit, a day, 12 hours

Garrett > but eventually it is going to happen over again and again

Garrett > if you stoped and listened to what I am saying

Garrett > and read what I am typing

Garrett > you would realize i am talking about YOUR ROUTER

Garrett > 73.116.114.1

Garrett > you are the worst tech I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with in a while

Curtis > Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Garrett > like I mentioned, check out the ping yoruself to yoru box

Garrett > your box is having problems

Garrett > not my box

Garrett > your box needs reset or rebooted

Garrett > it is really acting up

Garrett > our pings are crazy, packet loss

Curtis > Garrett, I have already explained to you that we do not offer support for latency or connectivity issues due to using a router. If you are having connection issues, you need to disable your router altogether, then contact us back and we will assist you further.

Garrett > ahh, you reseT IT?

Garrett > can I speak with your supervisor?

Garrett > if you are going to play games with me, I’ve had it

Curtis > May I ask what you are referring to exactly? I do not understand what you are referring to.

Garrett > I’m serious

Garrett > if you are going to jerk me around, I want to talk to your supervisor

Garrett > you want specifics?

Garrett > Target Name: ge-3-16-rtr01.jerseyshore.pa.panjde.comcast.net IP: 64.78.83.69 Date/Time: 4/26/2007 6:02:25 PM 1 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms 0 ms [192.168.8.1] 2 229 ms 256 ms 662 ms 204 ms 499 ms 422 ms 236 ms 414 ms [73.116.114.1] 3 261 ms 287 ms 682 ms 176 ms 511 ms 393 ms 252 ms 430 ms ge-3-16-rtr01.jerseyshore.pa.panjde.comcast.net [64.78.83.69]

Garrett > what does that look like to you?

Garrett > is that specific enough?

Curtis > Garrett, I have already explained to you twice that we do not offer support for latency or connectivity issues due to using a router. If you are having connection issues, you need to disable your router altogether, then contact us back and we will assist you further.

Garrett > your supervisor is enroute I suppose?

Garrett > yep, your supervisor

Garrett > pronto

Curtis > A supervisor or another agent will also tell you no differently than I already have.

Garrett > I beg to differ

Garrett > if you ping 73.116.114.3

Garrett > which is a box on COMCASTS NETWORK

Garrett > you’d see the ping fluctuate wildly

Garrett > there is something wrong with that box

Garrett > I assume it needs reset

Curtis > If there is nothing else I can help you with please let me know, then I can move on and help the next person who is waiting in queue for assistance.

Curtis > Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Garrett > no

Garrett > you can get your supervisory

Garrett > since you insist on ignoring everything I am trying to explain to you

Garrett > either on purpose or out of ignorance

Curtis > Since there is nothing else I can assist you with at this time and you are not maintaining a professional tone, I am now ending this chat, Garrett.

Curtis > You’re welcome and thank you for contacing Comcast. If you need assistance in the future, please do not hesitiate to contact us through the Live Chat or E-mail 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Simply visit http://www.comcast.net/help/

Curtis > Analyst has closed chat and left the room

This fucking wanking jackass I DID follow up with their supervisor with who apologized for the way in which Curtis cock-blocked my joy over and over. They confirmed that the reps are at least supposed to be able to understand a traceroute…christ thinking of all the time I’ve spent gets me so fired up I think I’m going to have a stroke. I need to go for a walk…all I can hope is that fuck is now boxing fries at McDonalds…

I did create a new category for these kinds of nightmares called ‘Customer Disservice’…so some good came of it…