The drink…
September 24th, 2007I had a fair bit to drink this weekend. A ton on Friday and a bit on Saturday. I like to abstain after a splurge to allow my body to reset as close as normal as it can get. This morning, however, I feel like I am emotionally bottoming out. I can’t help but think that it is my brain attempting to request more alcohol. I’ve noticed back when I used to smoke occasionally that a day or two afterwards I wouldn’t feel right. It took me a while to realize that what I was feeling was my body craving more nicotene. Before that point, I just had an unfocused ‘empty’. I strongly suspect that is what I am going through now. I think I may be taking more than a day or two off drinking…at the very least for as long as it takes until I no longer feel like this…
I feel like I have no self esteem…it’s a weird sensation, as I rationally know that it is somewhat likely being caused by the aftereffects of a massive overindulgence of alcohol and yet this invisible, insistent emotional part of my brain is wrecking the rest of my shit. Some feedback loop is telling me useless, useless things, and yet I can’t find it in my head to turn it off at the source…
Of course, it could just be that I am at fucking work on a Monday Morning.
I can’t see inside myself clearly enough to tell what is coming from where…
I know all about wandering through the mind, looking for an off switch to something that just can’t be turned off. I like to think I can see clearly in myself, but still there are things up there that I can not control, no matter how much I wish I could.
It could be the booze catching up to you. Your body may be getting hooked. “I need a drink while I shoot bitches.” Your mind is strong enough to recognize there’s something going goofy, so listen to it.
Yea, that low feeling I think isn’t the direct physical effect of the chemical, it is the aftereffect, the withdrawl. It is a similar feeling to the one I used to get with nicotine.
When shooting bitches, I have one or two glasses of wine, and if I’m tense I feel so much better. Hell, sometimes halfway through the first glass I can feel the effects. I loosen up, don’t feel frustrated when I get my ass owned but instead laugh and redouble my efforts. Too much alcohol, however, and my skills start back downhill ;)
Regarding an off switch…I don’t expect evolution to fix our silly little brains, either we’ll be bred genetically or have aftermarket equipment installed to help assist us (or help control us, gasp!).
Usually after drinking too much, I fill sad or bummed the next day…usually all day and sometimes into the next. Even if I don’t really have a hangover anymore I just feel down, unmotivated, slothy and usually sort of sad for no apparent reason.
No self-esteem? I sort of speechless….
I hate Mondays!
I guess that is how I feel, bummed. I used the phrase no self-esteem for the lack of a better term: I feel (or felt, lunch and a nice 20 minute walk seems to have helped a lot) empty. I feel bad, and bad about myself. It isn’t a good feeling, that goes without saying.
I guess a good way of thinking about it would be like this:
I was asked to speak at a kiln dryers meeting set up by a university in West Virginia. Probably about 30 minutes, pretty informal, and I think it would probably be a pretty neat time. At least, last Friday I was thinking it may be pretty neat (well, a new and terrifying experience, but still probably fun).
This morning while thinking about it, however, I felt like ‘what is the point?’. ‘Why bother?’ Which are very atypical things for me to think!
I’ve often felt ‘blah’ the day after drinking (what I assume to be a direct effect), but never really depressed or just so ‘messed up’…which is why I was thinking this aftereffect must be a symptom of mild withdrawal.
Thank goodness I’m starting to feel more a little more normal. I think the next time I go on a bender I am definitely NOT drinking the next day too ;)
I’ve felt that way too the day after drinking a lot. If I have something to distract me (like if the morning after happens to be the 2nd day of the wine fest or something) I don’t notice it much but if I’m alone I do. I sometimes feel like hiding from the world (under the covers) and feel like nothing is worth doing. It doesn’t seem to happen if I drink a moderate amount.
Keep in mind that alcohol is in essence a posion and what you feel the next day are the effects of that poison on your body.
poison schmoison :)
Alcohol IS a depressant so is seems logical that the aftereffects include a lowgrade and kinda persistant depression. Damn, I thought we were drinking to rid ourselves of those kinds of feelings?
I guess that it all goes back to everything is good in moderation. We should each stop after that first relaxing drink (and remember then it’s still considered a health benefit- at least if it’s wine)!
I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so empty and I’m even more sorry if I (along with a few others) contributed to your downturn by the merciless teasing you were subjected to. My bad. : (
Yea, poison schmoison, it is ambrosia! …in moderation!
Luckily lunch and a walk in the sunshine yesterday helped me shake the crap loose from my soul. We saw an adult Bald Eagle in front of Mr. Hollicks house, swooped out from a tree above us, glided across the creek and then started riding the thermals. That was neat.
Don’t worry, I’m pretty sure my problem was a systemic reaction to the alcohol. Hey…wait…I don’t remember any merciless teasing! What were you guys saying to me in my terribly inebriated and semi comatose state? ;)
Um…did I say teasing? Must’ve been mistaken, right Kelley? Nevermind.
I asked Kelley and she said you may mean about the mandarin flavored vodka? Kelley also said someone was picking on my hair…
Luckily I have an internal filter that just shunts slander off to the side.
Not quite remembering helps a bit too…by the time I was doing the vodka shots, I didn’t mind anything anyone said to me :)
Ah yes, the mandarin vodka and the highlights. If I recall there were some things said, silly boy.
Christ, the one time I really cut loose and you become a downer. No self-esteem, shaking the shit loose from your soul, what’s next?
Now I’m going to go shoot myself…
Poison? I have always felt much worse after a night of drinking compared to a night of burning. Most times though, they are never separated by different events, everything falls on the same day. Except for last Friday, didn’t burn any (well does before the bar count?).
Fortunately I remember very little of it ;)
Oh hell, I only felt like shit for about five hours Monday morning, and after lunch I had ’shaken it off’. It was just such a unique sensation that I felt like sharing. Sunday was alright, I think I kept distracted enough to not notice, but Mondays at work always suck, adding in coming off a hell of a weekend was just the nail in the coffin. Maybe it was drinking multiple days in a row. All I know was that, like Gwennie said, I felt like going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head.
That doesn’t mean next time we’re out you should not say ‘I bet I can finish this beer before you finish yours’. Absolutely not. It just means that I might have a water between slamming that beer and ordering the next shot…
Water helps. And I have noticed that if I get a good night’s sleep after the drinking the yucky feelings don’t come as much as if I sleep little. Or you could always try countering the depressant with some amphetamines :)
“I bet I can finsh this beer before you finish yours”
…That is a classic I have not used in a long time. Back in the day though, we’d do it with White Russians.