Pollywogs!

I’ve superficially mentally-mocked the iPhone for a while now, but deeper in my scarred and twisted psyche I’ve been secretly coveting its sexy technological smoothness the entire time. So, when my brother in law ordered a locked 1.1.1 iPhone off eBay, I immediately offered to unlock it for him.

Got it in today, took about 5 minutes of fooling to unlock it, oh my god is it sexy. No, not just sexy, DROP DEAD sexy. One in a million, oh my fucking god, I can’t believe I am touching this thing sexy. The interface makes me drool, so pretty, so easy, so intuitive. The on screen keyboard is amazingly fast and easy to use. The display is bright, crisp, responsive to the slightest gentle caress.

I cannot believe that Apple ever intended for people to NOT unlock these little fuckers. It is a very powerful and well executed little platform. 8GB of internal storage ain’t bad either. I so totally, completely, to the depths of my soul ache for one. But I thought spending $50 for a Razr was excessive, no fucking way I’m paying $400 for a damn cell phone off eBay…Except it has built-in wifi. And it plays music. And takes notes. And has tons of third party apps (well, once unlocked) like instant messengers and games (care to ‘c frotz book’ anyone?). And surfs the internet. And plays YouTube videos. And you can SSH into it (don’t forget to change the default password from alpine after you’ve unlocked it!!). I mean, the thing screams ostentatious display of technological orgasmic delight. So, as fucking hot and sexy and insane it makes me, I’m never going to own one…

It really is as crazy sexy in real life as it looks in this random video…