Afraid of Reality
August 21st, 2008I spend a lot of time flying through the deeper recesses of my own brain (sans psychotropics these days (for the most part!)). These forays often take me on any number of tangents. I was daydreaming about a situation, a miniature short story if you will, and the behavior of the actors struck me…they were afraid of reality. Having the puppets external to myself, as beings separate from myself, allowed me to see that this was a fundamental aspect of their (and by extension, our) situation.
Combining this with the little I’ve gleaned of Buddhism, I realized that the task that Buddhism sets us upon, the task of seeing things not as we wish to see them, but as they actually are, is an attempt to deal with this fundamental issue that every human animal has.  Mindfulness, meditation, the desire for truth…all attempts at cutting through this elaborate layer of what is effectively bullshit that the human animal heaps up upon reality in an attempt to see it the way they wish to see it, instead of how it truly exists. Seeing truth creates anxiety and fear for a number of reasons, but it seems the primary cause is the responsibility it imposes: you are not allowed an easy out, you are not allowed to lie, you are not allowed to weasel and twist things about until they fit your agenda.  You are completely responsible for yourself and your actions. This ties in with Buddhism and the continual attempt to not cloud your mind with what amounts to mental pollution: the opposite of clarity. You feel afraid of reality, so you craft lies until you are comfortable again. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, doesn’t matter what the situation is. The truth is a precious commodity, as the historical Buddha recognized.
This will continue to be a fundamental problem for our species until it is instilled at a young age that only children are allowed to behave poorly, that adults are expected to be held to a higher standard. Until mindfulness and some modern, secular version of Buddhism is taught as a fundamental life skill necessary for every human animal, we are going to be led about like blind fools by reckless puppets like George Bush and Dick Cheney. Hell, after this change is enacted, it will still likely take decades if not centuries for all of the ripples caused by thousands of years of bullshit-run-amok to die down, for the fragile, shattered collective human psyche to heal to the point where it can calmly and with open eyes see and accept reality for what it is.
I wrote a phrase on reddit.com once, mostly in jest, but I think it was a premonition of this blog post. Or, both the comment and this blog post are a premonition of something larger that is building in our collected minds:
…And abolish the need for nationalistic and primitive governments (which exist primarily to continue their own survival), thereby ushering in a new world order where man realizes that all are one, everyone and thing your neighbor, and the kingdom of “god” as it was once imagined slowly settles upon us comfortably, dispelling the nightmares of our childhood.
Man can, by simple reason alone, make his existence more equitable, perfect and just.
There is more floating around in here. I don’t know how much of it is my own thought and how much is distilled essence of things I’ve read, heard and experienced…but there is more to this than I can get out at the current time. Until then, let our minds rest upon the concept of equanimity.
Equanimity, composure, sangfroid- sadly, Garrett, none of those words describe me. It is a character flaw I must admit, and something I wish I had in me.
Is it a natural occurance…characteristics we are born with? Or rather something that develops with personal growth? And does one strive to achieve it?
Everyone has potential within them. I am sure there have been times when you’ve taken a deep breath and shrugged off something that, while bothering, you realized was not worth the effort to become emotionally entangled with…hell, you mentioned that you ride a neutral wave at work (at least at your old location) between the various petty goings-on?
I don’t think that people are born with this skill, I think it is developed. I think it may come easier for some versus others, but I like like any skill, everyone has the ability to practice at it and gain experience.
That said, no one is perfect. I believe I read a quip from the Dali Lama that said after driving around California for a few days he found growing inside him the desire to own the shiny technological gadgets he saw in shop windows. The key is to recognize, as he did, exactly what is going on inside yourself and decide that you rule yourself, rather than being a helpless victim of your own ego, ruled by your emotions.
I saw a quote a day or two ago about how you do can only hate someone for something you recognize within yourself, as things that are not familiar to you do not bother you…I myself lack equanimity more often than not (which bothers me quite a bit), although all I can do is constantly remind myself, try to catch myself, and bring my ’sense of self’ back to Here and Now.
It is a “habit of mind”. Like all habits, it needs reinforced to become second nature. You can cultivate good mental habits or bad mental habits, and it directly impacts the person who you are. Mental seeds which grow into towering trees, a forest of thoughts, behaviors and habits which end up (while not defining who you are) significantly influencing how you see, interpret and interact with the world around you.
The idea behind Buddhism is that you do not cultivate a forest which clouds and confuses, that you do not see things and ‘interpret’ them, you simply see them as they are. Often, this means that things that are typically filled with trivial human significance are stripped to a simple and plain fact…which isn’t much “fun” in any of the meanings of the word, so people are compelled by their emotions to hang on to their psychodrama…and so on and so on…
So did your daughter pass that book on to you? The first half is where all the good stuff is, the second half (or last third) drags a bit, but it is filled with excellent ideas which are intended to be assimilated. You could say that you strive to achieve it, but it is more complicated (or far simpler?) than that.
I found out that my reddit quote was apparently channeling a subconscious memory of Imagine by John Lennon. I can’t remember ever consciously paying attention to the lyrics, but my iPod and synchronicity forced the song upon me today on the way to Lowe’s, and I was forced to confront the source that must have primed my own thoughts:
“Imagine there’s no Heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace
You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us”
And the next fucking song on the random playlist with like 800 songs to choose from was Strawberry Fields Forever, with the line about living with eyes closed and misunderstanding all you see making life ‘easy’:
“Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn’t matter much to me.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
No one I think is in my tree, I mean it must be high or low.
That is you can’t you know tune in but it’s all right.
That is I think it’s not too bad.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Always no sometimes think it’s me, but you know I know when it’s a dream.
I think I know I mean “Yes,” but it’s all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.
Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.”
Spooky how life works sometimes…
the Beatles/John Lennon rock!!!
Hell yea, listening to that song correctly, I now understand why so many people like it. It is easily one of the best songs ever. I never put it in the correct context before, didn’t pay attention with the correct mindset, but he was describing the same exact thing which has been worrying me so much lately.
Must have been a massive unconscious itch bothering me for forever to spit out the same thought in slightly different words years after the last time I’d heard the song…and I’d never liked the song before, always thought it was sappy and over-hyped and would avoid listening to it any time I heard it.
Man was I wrong…oh, and the concept he was trying to squeeze into the lyrics of strawberry fields…I’ve been doing them a disservice all of these years, listening with my mind half-closed…